This Information is Gleaned from the Annals of Counseling Psychology
Everyone feels anger on occasion. But my patients in Cary tell me that when they find themselves being caught off guard, they sometimes feel ready to explode.
So, what coping skills can you use to deal with a rushing feeling of anger? Your ability to self-calm is crucial. Below are some coping skills I teach my clients in order to calm themselves:
1. Identify Your Feeling specifically as Anger. Important: Visualize the Word itself in your Mind.
When caught off guard, you will probably feel defensive, with a quickly growing agitation. Before you do or say anything outwardly, acknowledge that you’re angry to yourself.
Actually visualize the word itself then take a few seconds to assess its likely cause. For example, “Our children got in a fight when they were allowed by my wife to stay up past their bed time, and now I walk in the door and she’s blaming my parenting skills.”
2. Important. Pause. Take a Breath
Acknowledge you’re upset, say it to yourself, stop and take a breath. Put physical distance between you and the triggering person and just take a few steps back.
3. Remind Yourself to be Inquisitive, Curious but not Furious
It is too easy to explode into fury. IMPORTANT: Convert your agitation and fury into a sense of curiosity-information-seeking. Reflect on the possible reasons this person is acting this way.
Get out of your own head. Get into his and EXPAND your perspective, don’t just stay constricted in yours. Maybe he had a rough afternoon, got some upsetting news or is even hypoglycemic from not having eaten.
4. Crucial: Remember, It’s Certainly Not Personal
Remind yourself: This isn’t likely personal to you, specifically. Often when my clients in Cary act inappropriately or say hurtful things, it’s because of problems in their own lives.
I then remind them that the same is true for others. It’s, therefore, important for all of us to remind ourselves that another person’s anger is often not personal to us, specifically.
5. Use “I” Statements
When upset, it might just be best to walk away. However, if you need to express yourself, focus on the behavior itself that you find unacceptable without blaming or slamming the person himself.
Talk specifically about YOUR resulting feelings, without criticizing the other. Mention the consequences to you in just a matter of fact way . Important: Communicate without placing blame, then you will be more likely to be understood leading toward a solution.
Remember: In the long run, it’s best to control your anger. Don’t allow it to control you!
Do you Live in Cary, Crystal Lake or Mchenry County, Illinois?
Is anger beginning to have a significant negative impact on your life and relationships? A licensed mental health professional specializing in anger management can help.
But How Do I Choose the Best Counselor for Me?
First, pick a therapist with at least 20 years experience. Experience matters. Next select a clinical psychologist. not an ordinary counselor. A psychologist has a doctoral degree which means he has several more years of education than an ordinary therapist. Next, and very important, make sure you feel comfortable and have a good rapport. Without a good rapport nothing will work
Call my office today and if you live in the Mchenry County area, we can schedule an appointment to talk.
Don’t Miss the Treasure Trove of Information about Counseling, Anxiety, Depression and Anger at: www.carypsychology.com